Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
