you didnt know i had herpes?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
