i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
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He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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