I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
