we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
