it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
