There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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