so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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