I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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