when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
