Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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