Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
