i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
