look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
