she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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