i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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