i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
