I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
