Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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