I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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