you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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