As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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