I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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