No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
