do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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