I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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