I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
No subtext here. People are naked.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
