I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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