he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
