I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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