Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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