One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
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if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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