so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
