Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
