I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize