great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
