Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Then you guys just all showered together...?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize