My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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