i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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