you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
