I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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