I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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