Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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