So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
