A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
