he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
