you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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