am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
