You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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