im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
