Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
how drunk are you?
Several
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
