so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
