im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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