Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
