I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
