Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He has the fingertips of a God
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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