If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
