I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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